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| My mouth was taped for the 1 in 9 silent protest, in solidarity with those who have been silenced by rape and sexual abuse. Photo by Caeri Dunnell |
Two weeks ago I spent a day with my mouth taped shut as part of the 1 in 9 silent protest. By the time the morning was over, I had seen classmates, res friends, acquaintances, a friend’s mother and many strangers all bravely wearing the same "Rape Survivor" T-shirt.
Seeing friends wearing that shirt made me angry. Very, very angry. The statistics became a reality – rape was something that could happen to me.
Our taped mouths, misinterpreted by many, symbolised the millions of women who have not told anyone that they’ve been raped, or, have told someone only to be horribly let down by a system which fails to prosecute rapists. This makes me angry.
At lunch time, all the protesters lay down in the library quad for an hour-and-a-half-long "die-in". Upon asking my long-term boyfriend to say hi to me at the die-in and to walk into town with me, his SMS reply was: “I’m not gonna come meet you, I’m really sorry but I would just feel really uncomfortable…”
I was furious! Uncomfortable with what? My silence? After being together for a year and a half did he really feel that talking to each other ALL the time was necessary? Did he think I was going to be sombre in light of the protest and wouldn’t be fun to be around?
This made me angry.
When I eventually brought myself to talk to my boyfriend, the reality of his discomfort was quite different. Contrary to what I thought, he was not uncomfortable with me, but after reading the message on the protesters T-shirts, he felt that the protest was against men and was not comfortable with the thought of being surrounded by more than a thousand male-bashing protesters.
He also felt that the T-shirts implied that all men are rapists and wanted to know why no emphasis was placed on men who get raped.
Yes, we were bashing men – bashing the men who think it is their right to rape women. Women were angry and still are.
I am angry that a man can tell a woman wearing a rape survivor T-shirt that “it would have been better if your mouth was taped shut”.
I am angry that I live in a country where gender equality is part of the constitution, but violence against women is largely the norm.
I am angry that our justice system is just-a-system. I am angry that our leaders are not taking this problem seriously and that some are unprosecuted perpetrators.
I am angry that according to statistics, by the time I am 50 years old I will have been raped at least once.
I am angry that one day my daughter will probably be raped. And so will yours. I am angry at a comment made about my taped mouth, “Dis nou hoe ‘n vrou moet lyk” (That is how a woman should look).
I am angry at the stories I heard during the day: a young woman raped by her uncle when she was between the age of four and six; a 15-year-old girl raped by her cousin, in her room, her safe space; a woman who’d watched her father rape her mother; a young girl trying to deal with the secret of her best friend’s rape; a woman who was too ashamed to wear the ‘Rape Survivor’ T-shirt.
We were waging war on patriarchy. And yet, my boyfriend is a man who will not violate women and we desperately need the support of men to fight sexual violence. So instead of excluding men, why don’t we allow them to be taped up for the day?
Taped women are meant to symbolise raped women. But, if men were taped they might be able to identify with the powerlessness and vulnerability that women experience.
Many students, mainly non-participants, do not realise the significance and symbolism involved in the silent protest. I think that the campaign fails to properly inform the wider Grahamstown community about why exactly it is done and it does not use the opportunity to interrogate other gender issues.
Even though I felt that I hadn’t been supported by my boyfriend, in hindsight, I know that is not strictly true.
I was touched by the support I received from some unlikely places - Facebook messages, SMSes and phone calls from friends I have not seen or spoken to in years, thanking me for what I was doing on behalf of women and applauding my braveness.
I did not sign up for the protest to get a pat on my back, but it felt good to know that my actions were having far-reaching effects.
I am still angry, but I was also empowered by the protest. I was part of the biggest 1 in 9 protest to date. I stood up and fought the war on women’s bodies. I still am fighting it.
I was part of an event where rape survivors were able to open up and confide their horrific ordeals, surrounded by empathy and love, allowing the healing process to start for them.
It was a highly emotional day and an experience that participants – myself included – are unlikely to ever forget. It has changed me and it will hopefully contribute to change in our country.
I want to stop being angry.
Published in Grocott's Mail on 29 April 2011.
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